so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
