he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
