By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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