I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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