then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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