if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Houston, we have a squirter
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
