i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
