My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
