But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
