I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
