A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
