We're like a lot better than the average bears
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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