After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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