halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
