He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
