You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
