You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize