I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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