I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
