birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize