Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
