I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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