Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
