If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
