Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
