im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
