He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize