I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
