I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
