mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
