Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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