Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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