just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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