had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
