And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
