i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
