I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
