the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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