All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
