just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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