i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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