You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize