I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
