If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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