All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
