i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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