and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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