So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
