I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
