I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
