I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
