nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
