my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
