just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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