well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
