When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
