Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
