Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
