I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
