im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have tasted many bathrooms
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
