worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize