People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
