I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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