i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
