One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
