woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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