I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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