then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
