he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
