low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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