look no pants
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
