my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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