I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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