She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
