Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
