so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
