Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
