I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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