You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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